My journey in life started in an abusive and neglectful family setting. There was verbal trauma—being told ‘you are not good enough’, or ‘you are adopted’, or even ‘you are unworthy of love’. At my core I felt abandoned, rejected, unloved, unworthy, defective, and stupid. I felt I had nothing to contribute to humanity. Life looked pretty bleak.
Painful physical trauma made it harder for me to make sense of my world. As a young boy my primary focus was to figure out how to survive and steer clear of the offending family members. I was great at avoiding pain at all cost.
I felt a huge sense of relief when I turned 18 and prepared to attend college. I felt that freedom had arrived and said to myself ‘Thank God the suffering will stop now’. And the childhood abuse did stop. What I didn’t realize was the impact of the suffering would follow me well into adulthood.
Over the next 20-30 years, I was in a series of unhealthy relationships. I could not deal with the many stressful situations I was involved in. I was plagued with anxiety, fear and constant worrying about everything around me. It was not only painful for me but for also for all of those people in my life.
I knew I needed help but was unclear as to what kind of help I needed and what issues I needed help with. I sought out counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual healers, medication—you name it, I tried it. I was desperate for refuge from the constant mental anguish that plagued me.
While each of these resources gave me relief and understanding, something was still missing. I was well trained to understand my suffering but I was not trained in learning how to move beyond my suffering. I had a clinical diagnosis of my inability to cope but I didn’t have practical skills and tools to help me move past the suffering. I was helpless trying to manage my excessive worrying or handling difficult situations in my relationships.
While dealing with my emotional issues, I was also trying to find a different career that would have less stress and allow me to help others. I found Life Coaching. I started with a Life Coach and realized I wanted to be one too. I found a number of tools that helped me identify and enjoy healthy relationships. I was able to communicate my needs well and handle difficult situations with ease.
I came to the realization that there are so many techniques and tools to help me rise above and manage the impact of childhood trauma. I vowed to try every one of the tools personally before introducing them to my clients. Some worked very well, others were not appropriate for me. But I know personally about various tools available for people to use.
As a result I find myself saying the same things personally that now many of my clients have shared with me, ‘I have learned and applied so many skills in my life as a result of Coaching.’ While therapy serves a vital purpose for people, especially those recovering from childhood trauma, Coaching puts healthy, practical actions into the healing process.
In your healing from childhood trauma, or any trauma really, what do you find missing as you learn to live your life? How does expressing yourself with ease sound to you? Would you like to know how to handle stress or conflict? Would you like to learn how to accept and love yourself? Are you tired of being in unhealthy relationships?
If you are want to move forward in your healing process with practical tools, contact me for a no cost session to experience how coaching can help you live the life you want.
Tom Ellis, CPC
Tom is a Path Finder who is solution & action focused as well as a Life Purpose Specialist. Artist & Gentleman Farmer.